The Plonkers lyrics page

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The lyrics to some of The Plonkers songs
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The sun had set beyond yon hill, across yon dreary moor
When weary and lame, a boy there came, up to the farmer's door

Can you tell me if any there be who will give me employ
To plough and sow, to reap and mow and be a farmer's boy,
And be a farmer's boy

My father's dead, my mother's left with her five children small
And what is worse for my mother still, I'm the eldest of them all

Though little I be, I fear no work, if you'll give me employ
To plough and sow, to reap and mow and be a farmer's boy
And be a farmer's boy

And if you will not me employ, one favour I've to ask
Pray shelter me till break of day from this cold winter's blast

At break of day, I'll trudge away elsewhere to seek employ
To plough and sow, to reap and mow and be a farmer's boy
And be a farmer's boy

The farmer said, 'I'll try the lad, no further let him seek'
'Oh, yes, dear father,' the daughter cried, as the tears ran down her cheek

For them that'll work, it's hard to want and wander for employ
To plough and sow, to reap and mow and be a farmer's boy
And be a farmer's boy

At length the boy became a man, the good old farmer died
He left the lad the farm he had, and the daughter for his bride

And now the boy a farmer is and he smiles and thinks with joy
On the lucky day, he came that way to be a farmer's boy
To be a farmer's boy

THE DAIRYMAN
Chorus
'Ere, wash another udder, pull another teat
I'm 'appy as a dairyman with dung around me feet
'Ere wash another udder, pull another teat
I'm an 'appy dairyman with dung around me feet

I'm up them winter mornings, up before it's dawn
Leave me family sleeping in their beds all safe and dwarm
I've got to get them cows in, the same old trek each day
Hunt um to the dairy, then in the milking bay

Come on now my old Daisy, trudge on through that mud
Soon be in the farmyard, chewing in the cud
Come on now old Beauty, let's fill another churn
I got to feed the family on what little bit I earn

Here's bad tempered Molly, now don't you raise a hoof
Or I'll tie your tails together as I once did in me youth
Here comes me darlin' daughter, with a gert big mug o' tea
I know she's gonna try and get a few pence out of me

I'll show her how to carry it on her way to school
I'll clamp it in her finger, oh her daddy can be cruel
The morning stint is over, turn um out to graze
All looking so contented, chewing on the maize

Time to have me breakfast, then when me belly's full
I have to clean the yard out, and go and feed the bull
And then to move the wire, a single electric strand
I like to shock me daughter as I hold her by the hand

A plate of bread and cheese, a quick snooze in the chair
And if the boss should ask, say I am on the farm somewhere
I never went to college, but as a dairyman I'm skilled
And so I make another trip, across that blumin' field

Oh, the day is almost over, as I close the farmyard gate
Got to make it home on time, or I'm nagged for being late
Tomorrow is another day, with sun, or snow, or rain
Because I am a dairyman, I'll do it all again

I'm a poor, poor farmer, what am I going to do?
A poor, poor farmer, filled with rabbit stew
A poor, poor farmer always on the go
Trying to get me farm work done before the snow

I come from the city many months ago
Sold everything I had to get a stake you know
Bought several acres of the finest farming land
But how they makes a fortune, I just can't understand

He's bought new machinery, the very best you see
He's always buying new parts and haves a crop as we
The weasels got his chicken while partures killed his cows
But was going home to mother, swine fever killed me sow

Oh rabbits ate me garden, hares took all me wheat
Seems I'm working round the clock and really getting beat
Grasshoppers came t'other day, just like a million goats
Before I knew just what to do, they cut down all me oats

So we loaded up with grass seed and headed out to town
Seem like every mile we went, the price kept coming down
Allowing for the stoppage and the income tax
When time come round to settle up, I owe them more than that

I woke up this morning feeling mighty low
Gazed upon me potato field, all covered up with snow
First me wheat and then me oats, now me spuds are gone
There's nothing in the grub box, how can I carry on?

But I've still got me freedom, credit ratings high
Don't have to pack no lunch box, nor hear a whistle cry
I'll always be a farmer, don't care about a thing
And if I get me tractor fixed I'll come back in the spring

I wish I were back on the farm, I wish I were back on the farm
If you want to learn your lesson, then hear what I'm confessing
Oh I wish I were back on the farm

Now I were just a hayseed, with a straw stuck in me mouth
I packed me bags and took a train, and come up from the south
I wandered through the city streets, everything were new
But all the coppers moved me on, the girls then moved me too

I wish I were back on the farm, I wish I were back on the farm
Where the bulls don't put it over, and the cows stay in the clover
Oh I wish I were back on the farm

A pretty girl comes up to I, we begin to chat
She said she'd give I something nice if I went to her flat
I said I'd like a cup of tea, she seemed to think it odd
And just when it were time to go, she charged I thirty bob

I wish I were back on the farm, I wish I were back on the farm
Where there's fun and plenty of it, and it isn't done for profit
Oh I wish I were back on the farm

Now I went to a night club, where a lady done a dance
She'd nothing on but pigeons, and the rest she left to chance
She didn't seem to feel the cold, the birds were kind to stay
I clapped me hands and hollered, but they wouldn't fly away

I wish she were back on the farm, I wish she were back on the farm
She'd have nothing on whatever, 'cos our pigeons ain't so clever
Oh I wish she were back on the farm
If she'd only let her hair grow, she'd make a lovely scarecrow
O I wish she were back on the farm

Now I be a true-bred country chap
Me father comes from Fareham
Me mother's got some more like I
And she well knows how to rear 'em
Now folks call I 'bacon face'
And others, 'turnip head'
But I can prove I baint no fool
Though I be country bred

For I can plough or milk a cow, I can reap or sow
I be fresh as a daisy do grow in the fields
And they calls I 'Buttercup Joe'

They nobby swells do laugh and chaff
To see I eat fat bacon
They couldn't touch that country stuff
But that's where there mistaken
On wine or grog they do their airs
And Lord it at their ease
But give I fat pork from the sty
Or a lump of bread and cheese

Now baint it prime in summer time
When we goes out haymaking
The lasses, they will all turn out
And freedoms will be taken
They like to get us country chaps
A course in harmless play
They like to get us country chaps
And roll us in the hay

Now have you seen my pretty maid
They call our Mary
Her works as busy as a bumble bee
In Farmer Jones's dairy
And don't she make those dumplings nice
By Jove, I mean to try 'em
And I'll ask her if she wouldn't splice
We a rustic chap like I am

I've been a wild rover for many a year
And I've spent all my money on whisky and beer
But now I'm returning with gold in great store
And I'll never play the wild rover no more

No nay never, no nay never no more
Will I play the wild rover, no never, no more

I went to an ale house I used to frequent
And I told the landlady my money was spent
I asked her for credit she answered me nay
Such custom as yours, I can get any day

I took from my pocket gold sovereigns bright
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight
She said, 'We have whiskey and wines of the best,
And the words I've just spoken were only in jest'

So home to my parents to confess what I'd done
And I'm hoping they'll pardon their prodigal son
And if they'll forgive me as oft times before
I never will play the wild rover no more

Chorus
There is a tavern in the town, in the town
And there my dear love sits him down, sits him down
And drinks his cider 'mid laughter free
And never, never thinks of me

Fare thee well for I must leave thee
Do not let the parting grieve thee
And remember that the best of friends
Must part, must part
Adieu, adieu kind friends adieu, adieu, adieu
I can no longer stay with you, stay with you
I'll hang my harp on a weeping willow tree
And may the world go well with thee

He left me for a damsel dark, damsel dark
Each Friday night they used to spark, used to spark
And now my love, once true to me
Takes that dark damsel on his knee

Oh dig my grave both wide and deep, wide and deep
Put tombstones at my head and feet, head and feet
And on my breast carve a turtle dove
To signify I died of love

Come Landlord fill the cider bowl, till it doth run over
Landlord fill the cider bowl, till it doth run over

For tonight we'll merry merry be
For tonight we'll merry merry be
For tonight we'll merry merry be
Tomorrow we'll be sober

He who drinks pure water cold, goes to bed quite sober
Sure will die before he's old, like leaves in October

He who drinks his cider clear, goes to bed quite mellow
Sure will live a hundred year, die a jolly fellow

He who courts a pretty girl, does it for his pleasure
Surely ought to marry her, without store or treasure

The man that drinketh small beer, and goes to bed quite sober
Fades as the leaves do fade and drop off in October

The man that drinketh strong beer, and goes to bed right mellow
Lives as he ought to live, and dies a jolly good fellow

The man who kisses a pretty girl, and goes and tells his mother
Ought to have his lips cut off, and never kiss another

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